Early Nights Are Impossible

I’ve been slacking. I can’t even blame being sleep deprived because Edie has been an absolute dream recently! KNOCK ON WOOD that it continues! But I feel mentally exhausted recently and that isn’t something that a bit more sleep will fix. Talking of sleep…

Remember the days when it would be 10/11 at night, sat on the sofa watching a movie and you’d feel your eyes getting heavier. I’d wake up a few hours later, realising it was now 1am and shuffle upstairs and snuggle into bed. Or, I’d just make the decision at 11pm (yep, that was an early night back then) to turn in and head off to bed where I’d be in a magical dream as soon as my head hits the pillow.

Well, that’s a very distant memory! I still have the heavy eyelids, but they stick around all through the day now. The big difference is, I can’t just casually stroll upstairs, get under the covers and fall asleep. My brain doesn’t work like that anymore.

I said goodbye to sleep in the 3rd trimester when it took me a good 20 minutes just to roll over and heartburn was so bad that I’d sleep downstairs, sat up right most of the night. “At least when she’s here, there will be a good reason I won’t be sleeping” I said to myself to mentally prepare for getting even less sleep. With a newborn, I accepted I was very much on her schedule. “Sleep when baby sleeps” is true to a sense, as that is the only time you can sleep! When baby is awake, you’re awake, baby is hungry, you’re the kitchen on legs… and so on.

Edie sleeps 7-7 and now treats me to the whole night through too (no sleep training and NO cio!) But I still wake up just as tired as I did when I went to sleep. You know they say that when a baby wakes up a lot in the night, it might be because their brain is working so hard to process everything, that it keeps them up. What they don’t tell you… is that as a mum, the exact same thing will happen! Edie is currently desperately trying to learn to crawl. I left the baby monitor charging in the living room the other day whilst I quickly popped into the kitchen, I came back and my sleeping baby was now awake, on her hands and knees and facing the complete opposite direction. There’s a time and a place missy! Your bed is not one of them!

I digress..

It’s now 9pm (getting late!) I’m going to turn in an get an earlyish night! Peel myself off the sofa… oh crap, I haven’t washed up the bottles.
Detour to the kitchen, wash and sterilise all bottles ready. I could leave them for tomorrow…but that means trying to wash them with a baby on my hip, doing that oh so annoying screech she loves doing currently when she hasn’t got my undivided attention
Turn around heading for the door, the dog is giving me those eyes! So I let him out into the garden and fill his water bowl. 
Whilst I’m waiting for him, I might as well tidy up Edie’s toys. 
Toys done! Time for bed. Oh crap, the dog! 

Go and let the dog back in… and see I’ve forgotten to wash Edie’s highchair.

High chair clean, walk through the living room and remember we’ve got to be out the house early tomorrow. So I need to pack the bag. If I leave it until tomorrow, Edie will unpack everything as I’m trying to pack it.
Right, actually going to go upstairs! Edie’s room is boiling.. I’ll just sneak in and feel her to make sure she’s not too hot. 
She’s okay. Brush my teeth, take my make up off and curl up into bed. 
Just about to drift off so I’ll check the baby monitor one more time… and she’s thrown her Simba comforter! If I don’t give it back, she will freak in the night when she can’t find it!
So up I get, into her room, search for simba in the dark and sneak out without waking her.

Finally back in bed and I’m wide awake again. I’ll just check my phone and google if you can die of exhaustion. 

Repeat the next day.

My mind just doesn’t switch off like it used to. If I’m not thinking forward to the next day or week, I’m thinking back to how quickly the past few months have been. My theory is, that a mums brain is like a bag. Pre-baby you could have a tiny clutch bag with just your necessities. Then a baby comes along. Suddenly you need a much bigger bag with space for all of your things… but baby stuff too, including the crazy amount of “just in case” items. You know… change of clothes, extra nappies, suncream, mini bottle of wine… I joke, sadly.
Your brain is working in overdrive! All of your thoughts and little bubs needs and wants,  preparations, hopes, fears, mum guilt and constant worries. No wonder we’re so exhausted all the time!
So give yourself a break when you can and don’t feel guilty about it and attempt to get that early night once in a while. But this is coming from the mum who won’t be getting an early night because Love Island is on. My priorities are spot on.

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